Lost innocence

When I think back and remember how I looked at the world as a child it stuns me how different my world view was. Not simply because I was young or didn’t know anything about politics, insurances and crime. I always thought as a child that everybody loved everybody, parents never quarreled and every other child was as happy as me. Of course – as you all know – even children understand that this is not true. And a lot faster than many parents or I personally would wish. My childhood was happy, but I have always strongly felt the hurt of other people, injustice and anger of others. My stomach literally knots when I listen to angry voices or feel an undercurrent strong disharmony.

Maybe you wonder why I am writing this. This train of thought started when I talked to a wonderful friend of mine. We both love to read and already during our teenage years read a lot of books for teenagers and adults that included social and personal problems like e.g. teen pregnancies, drugs, murder, illness etc. We always were touched by the story. But at the same time I remember thinking that things like this will most certaily never happen to anyone I know – at least not to closer friends. Well, not all of it has happened to close friends. But quite some things have. I know or once knew mothers who had their child at age 15, women who had several abortions, heroin addicts, ... Friends suffering from cancer before they turned 25 and not all of them survived. Aquaintances who died in car wrecks. And I recently lost a once very close friend to murder.

I am convinced that many and probably most of you can share similar stories. I do not write this to complain or ask for pity or whatever. This is how life is in our broken world, so desperately in need of salvation. These are just some thoughts going through my head while mourning a friend. Pain can make us numb. And pain sometimes hides – and then suddenly decides to come to the front and surprise us in the middle of our work or at dinner or when we go shopping. Some things are just hard to understand or just deal with when they happen in real life.