A heavy heart

-- edited in the last paragraph --

From my last posts it can hardly be told that my heart has been heavy lately once in a while. But what is the point of a blog if it only shows happy or cheerful moments and smiles. I am usually joyful and content, but not always and not right now while writing this.
Two years ago a friend was shot twice on a street after leaving the house of his girlfriend, lured out by a fake call that she was injured and in hospital. His murderers are a former aquaintance of the girl who never got over the fact that she dated another and one of his collegues, both former members of the armed forces. My friend died after a week in hospital. We had known each other from early childhood, my father and his father were school exchange friends. Every vacation is France we hung out together and were good friends. One summer 14 years ago it was more than friendship for several months and then we stayed friends. The trial of his murderers started two days ago. I can still hardly understand that he is not there anymore.

I just started thinking about the question if I too have to forgive his murderers. I mean they did not commit a sin which affected me directly. But the implications and the hurt affect me. I think we are called to forgive in situations like this too. But it is easier to think that we are able to forgive people who hurt us badly because we belong to Christ who calls us to forgiveness than to actually forgive a person when it happens. I have to carry this struggle to Christ who understands all our trials.